Great Expectations

"...The finest type of friendship is between people who expect a great deal of each other but never asks for it."

I saw this somewhere, I can't exactly remember where. It defines the how and what of my relationship with some of my most enduring friends.

Sometime during my early adult life, I have come to realize that to go through this life, I have to have some people who would stay with me through the journey. But lately, I am very disappointed with this one person and had terminated what I thought was a "friendship". This person was doing "loyalty checks". What the heck is that? Well, he goes around his circle and either sends them phony e-mails or calls them and asks them which "side" they're on. And then he sees how fast his emails and phone calls get around. I have no idea why he does it. There were red flags before but I chose to ignore them because I thought it was just for play. But apparently not with this person.

Do you ever do "loyalty checks" on your friends? I think it's cruel and you would lose a lot more than what you thought you can gain. Implicit with friendship is trust with each other, albeit earned. If there is no reason to question the friendship, then why initiate actions that would be detrimental to it? Unless, of course, you didn't really want the friendship to begin with. It is cruel to ask your friends to chose between you and your other friends. You WILL lose all of them. Is it worth all the pain and anguish you may cause?

I chose my friends carefully. I have simple standards: I don't demand for their loyalty or trust. I know I have to earn those. I know I always learn from those around me. That's important; otherwise, the friendship will stagnate. I don't necessarily seek those who have opposite traits because clashing all the time can get tiring. I gravitate towards those I have something in common, usually an important personal value.

It is a challenge to be a good friend. You have to work at frienships like any other personal relationships. That scares some people but I like to think that I am doing fine in the friends whom I have now. I'll do anything for these people...