A Job Interview

Last week, out of boredom I sent a resume to this medical practice office in San Francisco for the position of Assistant Director of Human Resources. It was interesting to me because this group of doctors have three or four facilities. They have one central human resources office. The actual director is one of the doctors (who has no idea what is going on in HR) and for him, it was just a title. Today, I went in to the actual interview with current assistant director. Here's what went on. Her questions are in bold; what I really wanted to say are in italics.

After the usual how-are-you, so-glad-you-can-make-it chitchat, we went into her office and I was blown away with the view! The Embarcadero, with both the Bay Bridge and Golden Gate infront of me! Now, I thought, I really want this job! Kidding, of course.

So...what are you bringing into this job?

(My good looks, personality and charm...parang beauty contest!)

Can you name one of your passions?

(Men? Naked men...specifically, naked men with HUGE dicks while in an orgy! Is that passionate enough?)

Tell me how you resolved a most recent professional conflict.

(Punctured the tires of their car and "accidentally" lost their paychecks...teaches you to fuck with me!)

You look young. Do you think people whom you will be responsible for will show you respect?

(Moisturize people! Keeps you looking fresh and not so haggard looking!)

As a business, we are concerned with our bottom line. Tell me how you can help us keep our bottom line AND our employees happy.

(I'm very concerned with bottoms...don't want anything too saggy! Bubble butts are out; those people are more worried about their own asses!)

Seriously though, it was an interesting experience to be out there again. The next day, she called and offered me the job. With one caveat. She can't give me what I asked for pay-wise and was offering an amount which was 20 percent less than what I stated. I asked why she was wasting her and my time. She thought she can make me change my mind. By offering me less pay??? Hello. I thanked her, politely declined the offer and wished her goodluck in finding the person she can fool. What I find most irritating is the fact that she knows very well how much I get paid now (hello, national surveys!) and thinks I would settle for less. But in some strange way, I felt "validated" with what I have done with my professional experience and advanced education.